Responding to Biting

By Rachel Brody, LCSW, Child and Family Therapist

Have you ever wondered why some toddlers or preschoolers bite? Biting can be scary for parents or professional caregivers to experience. However, it is fairly common for children as they learn to express themselves. In fact biting is considered developmentally typical; but should not be reinforced as it can inhibit friendships and cause serious injury.

Why do children bite? What can I do?

Every child is unique. Here are a few common themes and suggestions:

Difficulty with social skills: A child might need alone time away from the stimulation of a group they’re playing in. Some children may also have difficulty joining an existing group. Model appropriate social skills and join your child in the activity.

Expressing Feelings: Help the child put feelings into words — “I think you feel mad because you had to stop singing loudly.” Feeling understood is a key to avoiding conflicts.

Frustration or Anxiety: Whether it’s at home or in your child care setting, keeping a consistent schedule and routine can reduce feelings of frustration or anxiety for children. 

Reaction: If a child bites you, they might be testing you for a reaction. React in a neutral manner clearly stating that you don’t like being bitten because it hurts, then replace the biting with a pro-social activity.

Oral stimulation: Provide a positive oral replacement like a bottle, pacifier or snack.

Imitation: Children often bite when peers bite. If you see another child bite, it’s a good opportunity to remind your child that biting is not an acceptable behavior.

Always teach empathy by helping your child understand how the biting made you or another child feel, without shaming or punishing. “You did that because you felt mad at the time, but it hurt. Next time please tell me you’re mad and I’ll listen.”